Healing from trauma isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Here are some thoughts on the purpose, process, and problems of engaging our story to heal from trauma and set our art free.
What does healing from trauma even mean?
So right away I want to address two phrases I put in the title of this episode: “Here’s how healing from trauma will make you a better artist.”
The first one is “healing from trauma”. As someone still going through it, my definition of healing has changed over time and may continue to. I used to think healing meant no more anxiety, no panic attacks, and no depression ever again. I would be cool and calm at all times and never feel triggered by something that reminded me of my past.
Then I learned that part of trauma is physical. It resides in the body and affects our nervous system. So then I thought a healthy nervous system is one that never got stressed or anxious. But what I understand now, is that a healthy nervous system is resilient. It can handle when the stresses and anxieties come up. Because in life, it’s’ not if they come up, it’s when, right? And am I really so weird for just wanting to be happy all the time?
And that’s where I see healing in my life. I still get anxious and sometimes highly anxious where I can’t shake the tightness in my stomach, throat, or chest for days. But I use the tools I’ve learned to calm the anxiety so I can function better than I could before. I’ve learned it’s ok and necessary to rest. Past memories don’t trigger me like they used to. If there’s a response at all, it’s much more gentle. But it does happen. That’s healing to me. It’s a continual process, not something with an exact finish line to cross.
Your story is unique
I realize that for some of us the trauma was a long time ago that lasted for a while and is now over. For some it just began or recently ended, and for others it’s going on right now. So I don’t want to minimize or gloss over your experiences by making too many blanket statements about what healing from trauma is or what it looks like. I welcome any feedback you want to give if I do say something that makes you feel unseen. I’m talking from my own experiences and hope that there are parts of it you relate to, too. But I realize that we all have very different stories.
What I mean by being a “better artist”
The next phrase is “A better artist.” Ooohhh. Am I saying you’ll be the next Picasso? Or that I even know what makes one artist better than another? No. What I mean is that healing from trauma will break some of the negative thought patterns you have about yourself. Which then increases your self confidence so that you’ll put more time into making art. Art takes practice. So you’ll naturally become better at it because your past won’t be holding you back from doing it.
And that leads me to the purpose of engaging our story, or put another way, going into our past so we can heal and move on.
Don’t listen to the lies
Our art needs forward momentum. Trauma keeps us stuck. It’s like we’re always swimming upstream. Maybe we still make some art, but we’re not happy with it. Or we don’t finish anything. We let our inner critic win when it says, “you aren’t any good, so why bother trying? So we distract ourselves with the busyness of anything other than making art just so we don’t have to sit in that uncomfortable feeling that we aren’t enough.
Breaking free
Engaging our story also helps us understand why we react to things the way we do. A lot of our behavior is habitual. We don’t even realize we’re doing it. And if we don’t know where the root of our limiting beliefs or negative self-talk comes from and believing the lies that we’re no good or somehow to blame for what happened to us, we will stay stuck in those habitual patterns. And so will our art.
Engaging our story also helps us find forgiveness for ourselves in things we did or said in the past. Forgiveness is one of the most freeing and loving things we can do. Not just for ourselves, but extending it out to others as well.
How therapy helped
So now let’s talk about the process of engaging our story.
I started healing from trauma when I first told my story to a therapist. For me, professional help was especially important in the first stages of healing. First, because she listened to me, believed me, and encouraged me to be gentle to myself. Which I definitely wasn’t doing. When I would talk about the past, all I saw was how it was my fault and I should have done something different. She would point out all my “shoulds and coulds”.
I can’t say she helped me stop saying that, because I still do. But now I have an awareness and catch myself when I say them. She helped me see that where I thought I “should have done better” wasn’t true. That I was just a little girl that isn’t expected to know how to handle such an overwhelming event. Whether we are young or old, we can’t expect to know how to deal with things on our own. Sometimes we need help.
For me it took a long time to get help. I had a lot of shame, guilt, and pride. To be honest, I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t figure it out myself.
The second thing she did was ask me questions I hadn’t thought of to ask myself. These questions helped me start to see where my negative beliefs about myself came from. And then I saw that they were lies.
But you know, I couldn’t always afford therapy. So I was on my own to continue the process of healing from trauma at times too.
How I prepared my story for the podcast
Here’s what I did before I shared my story on this podcast. First, I created a timeline of my life. I put down any major life events I could think of. This wasn’t easy. I had a hard time remembering when things happened. So I used pictures, bank accounts, yearbooks, old journals, revisited places, and even asked family and friends for their pictures and memories.
Then I sat and wrote out each episode. Not word for word, but in a journaling, stream of consciousness way. I took at least a week, sometimes longer to prepare for each one. I didn’t initially plan to break my story up into so many pieces. But I was getting so many insights into my past and healing through the process, that I knew it was the right way to do it.
Be sure to rest
I’ve also had to learn that part of the process is letting it take time. Healing from trauma can’t be forced. I think it actually slowed my progress when I tried to rush it. So taking breaks is as much a part of the process as writing or talking through difficult memories.
We sometimes think rest is not doing anything. The way I look at it now is that rest is doing something. We’re just not used to that something being sitting. We think we always need to be producing something. But I add in rest just as much as I would any other task.
Healing from trauma brings up big emotions
So here’s some of the problems that can come up with revisiting our story and being in our past.
First of all, the emotions that can come up may and probably will be overwhelming. So, how do we handle that? I really do think professional help is important. I know we don’t all have the resources for that. But I did learn the hard way not to dump my problems on friends. Friends are there for us, for sure. But I learned to ask first. I didn’t do this in the beginning. I would just share and say whatever I needed to get out. This just strained my friendships because they may not be in a place themselves where they’re ready to hear it. That’s absolutely ok.
So I learned to get support from more appropriate places. Support groups can be great because there are people there to relate with. What’s great is you get to also see people that are farther along the healing process than you. It’s a great way to feel some hope. Especially in the more difficult times when it feels never ending. At some point you’ll be the one that is farther along for someone else. You’ll have something to give back to those just starting their healing journey. It feels so good when we can help others from something we’ve been through.
Focus on something else for awhile
Another problem I already mentioned is rushing or forcing the process of healing from trauma. Taking breaks and spending time in nature, and moving our bodies can really help. So does making art! It can be the crappiest you’ve ever made and would be embarrassed to show anyone. It doesn’t matter.
It’s just about putting your attention on something other than your story for a little while. Which at times seems almost impossible. I think on my hardest days I couldn’t stop putting attention on it because it affected every part of my life so much.
This is related to another problem that can come up which is becoming too focused on ourselves. So taking some time to text or call a friend and just let them know you’re thinking about them can help. Do something no matter how small for someone else.
Taking the focus off of ourselves and our story can help us refuel and persevere through the process of healing from trauma. There are times when it feels endless. We are going to get weary and get pretty fed up with the whole process at times, too.
Read this twice
In closing, I just want to say that wherever you are in your journey of healing from trauma, I am so proud of you. I don’t care if you just started the process, if you’re still figuring out what the trauma is, or you’ve been doing it for years.
I keep thinking there are so many other benefits to healing from trauma than just making art. But then I have to remind myself that we’re artists. This is important. We were given a gift and we are meant to make art. So healing from trauma to become a better artist – matters.
Has trauma affected your art too?
Share your thoughts below. 💬