Do you struggle with calling yourself an artist?
Setting the Scene
Imagine you’re at a dinner party and you’re standing in the living room of someone’s house you’ve never been in. As the conversation goes on, your eyes start to wander around the room. You notice this beautiful tapestry hanging on the wall. It’s made of soft blues and greens mixed in with vibrant oranges and pinks. It’s so unique and beautiful that you just can’t stop looking at it. So you ask the host about this tapestry that you just have to know more about. Who made it? Where is it from? In your excitement of this tapestry, the host turns to you and asks, “Are you an artist?”
How does that Feel?
What happens in your body at that moment? Do you feel an excitement in your stomach? Tightness in your throat? Do you freeze or feel anxious?
And how do you answer the question? Are you able to say “yes” with confidence? Or do you hesitate and say, “Well…I do a little painting…but I haven’t done it in a long time.” Maybe you make some kind of excuse, talk around it, or even flat out say “no”.
Then, how do you feel after that?
One Artist per Family?
So, why do we have this hang-up around giving ourselves the title of “artist”? What I’ve found in asking women this question is, we have a lot of different ways to define what an artist is. And they mainly come from our life experiences and how we see ourselves.
So here’s my story around that. Growing up, our house was decorated with my brother’s artwork. We had framed pictures of his school assignments and things he did on his own. If you saw them, you wouldn’t question why they were up there. His art is very good.
Somehow I got this idea in my head that my brother was the artist in the family and a family could only have one. From my perspective as his little sister (who wasn’t paying that much attention) all I saw was the final result. I didn’t see all his mistakes or the hours he poured into getting his drawings just so. So I thought he was just naturally good at it. Therefore, he had something that I didn’t.
I didn’t put a lot of thought or stress into this, but I think it might be partially why I didn’t pursue art earlier. It wasn’t until my first art class in high school that I found out I was an artist. (I talked about that in this episode.)
Unique Like Everyone Else
In high school it was pretty easy to call myself an artist because I spent all my time in the art rooms and started to hang out with other artists. We all kind of looked the same (while trying to be so unique) with our 90s pinstripe overalls and different colored Doc Martens.
But then after high school when I was home taking care of kids, I started to hesitate on calling myself an artist. At this point the tape constantly running in my mind was of self criticism and comparing myself to others. So I didn’t feel confident in myself to say I was an artist. I was so worried about what other people would think of me that I wouldn’t be honest. To me it was like adding on another level of shame because I was denying this part of myself.
How did it Change for You?
So it doesn’t take some major trauma for us to have our sense of who we are and what we love to do become disfigured. But the thing is, no one can tell you that you’re an artist. You have to claim that title yourself. The reverse is also true. No one can tell you you’re not an artist.
Remember back to your first experiences with art. How did it make you feel? If you can, try to find the time when that changed. This is a really good thing to journal, talk to a friend, or do some art about. Get the feelings out in some way. So you can get to the root of where your perception of yourself as an artist changed.
Some Reasons Why We don’t Call Ourselves Artists
Here are some of the answers the women gave me around why they have a hard time calling themselves an artist.
- They had to take a class and aren’t naturally good at it.
- It’s not their day job
- They don’t feel like they “have to” make art all the time
- Not good enough
- They don’t even try because it would be a waste of art supplies. 😢
Buried in a Cycle of Shame
One effect of trauma and shame is that we lose our voice. Which can mean we have a hard time speaking up for ourselves. I think everytime we don’t speak honestly about who we are, we’re adding another level of shame to ourselves. So we get stuck in this cycle and buried with heavier and heavier loads of shame. It can feel almost impossible to get out of.
On top of that, when we have this inner dialogue of shaming thoughts from abuse or the echoes of things our parents, teachers, or someone else we looked up to said to us that were harmful, negative, and cruel. Then we start playing that tape over and over in our head. Until it becomes such a deep rooted belief we might forget where it even came from. Eventually we think it’s true. But it’s actually a lie.
In the Flow
So answering the question, “Are you an artist?” with a confident “yes” without any need for explanations, is one step toward taking our voice back and living more honestly to who we are. I’ve found that I show up to the canvas more often when I do that. I’m at ease because I’m not trying to work against what’s true of myself.
It’s not whether I ever become a “good” artist, profitable artist, or well-known artist. Ultimately, those things aren’t important. (Although a sale here and there doesn’t hurt) It’s knowing that I am an artist and not being shy to let anyone else know, too. I see it as a form of respecting myself.
In the last episode I said, “ Art needs forward momentum. Trauma keeps us stuck.” This applies here, too. We often talk about times in the creative process where we’re “in the flow”, like the current of a river. So when we hide this part of ourselves we’re going against that current. The flow of who we are.
It will Feel Different
So consider for yourself, how might your life be different if you answered the question, “Are you an artist?” confidently and without hesitation. Put yourself back in that dinner party I mentioned earlier. Imagine what your body would feel like if you said, “yes”. Simply, yes.
Imagine it feeling calm, confident, and at ease. See yourself honoring this part of you as a way to take back what was lost through trauma, abuse, or someone’s unkind words. Whatever experiences you’ve had that caused you to bury and deny this part of yourself.
More Art, More Beauty
Because you’re worth this. The world needs your art. We all see the struggle, anger, and division all around us. So the more people that are creating beauty, the better. Your unique voice and style are needed just as much as anyone else’s.
I encourage you to dig into these questions I’ve asked so that you can take your next step toward healing and being the artist you are meant to be.
How do you answer when someone asks if you’re an artist?
Share your thoughts below. 💬
Jill Merrill
says:Thank you. This explains why I dropped out of Massachusetts College of Art where I was studying photography. At my review my professor said my work was technically perfect, but why did I take the photos? I was devastated and couldn’t answer. No inner confidence in myself as a photographer.
I pretty much gave it up till my late sixties and now I feel like a not particularly amazing photographer but a photographer nonetheless. I take such joy in photographing and it helps keep me sane. Too bad I didn’t read this when I was twenty and dropped out. Actually the Dean wouldn’t let me drop out because he said I was too talented. I didn’t believe him. So I am still on leave of absence over 45 years later!
Thank you for posting this. I’ve always blamed myself for dropping out. You gave me a different and better perspective. I’m still angry at my professor but feel a little easier on myself. But all those wasted years…