Are you an artistic type who’s gone through trauma? Then this is the podcast for you!
About this episode: I introduce myself in this episode, and explain why I’m creating the podcast. I also explain how it may be helpful to you. If you’d like to jump directly into the content, click here.
Hi, I’m Angie
Welcome to my podcast, a past, repainted. I’ll be sharing my story of recovering from childhood sexual abuse, a 28 year addiction, and all the things I’ve done to heal from that trauma and find sobriety in my life.
My Hope for You
I hope that through sharing my story, you will find hope in your own story. Healing is possible. Also, if you’ve gone through a type of abuse or trauma – I am so sorry. And if you haven’t shared your story, that’s ok. We should never feel pressured to tell our story before we are ready. I didn’t tell my story for over 20 years! It will happen in its time, and everyone’s will be different. It’s never too late.
A big part of what I want to talk about in this podcast is how trauma affects – really every aspect of our lives – but specifically how it affects us as artists. I’ve used art as a way to cope and heal. As I’ve gone through the process of healing from complex trauma, my art has changed. Also, with each layer that has peeled away, my nervous system has become more regulated.
I was also able to create art when the abuse was still a secret. It helped to bring up emotions that I didn’t understand, or didn’t have words for. This was a really powerful tool for me at that time.
A Little More about Me
So, I’ll tell you a little about myself. I’m 43 (as of 2020) and live with my family in Austin, Texas. I’m originally from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. We’ve lived in Austin for about 14 years now. I do miss Lake Michigan, but I don’t miss the winter. (Although it is fun to visit and play in the snow.)
If you’d like to know more of my background, check out my about me page.
It took me a long time to realize how the trauma had affected my art. For so long I would think -“Who am I? Who am I to put my art out there and think that I was an artist that has something good to say or some type of ability that’s worth anyone else looking at? Or to speak up for myself? Who am I to give my honest emotions and tell someone honestly how I feel? Or let someone know what I need?”
I Don’t Have All the Answers
By creating this podcast, I’m not trying to say that “I’m fully healed from trauma and I like, never have a bad day. Or, that I’m just calm all the time.” I definitely have my days! Especially over the last year in the pandemic. I had what feels like a lot of days where I got up around maybe 7 or 8 am – and I was back in bed by 10am under the covers like, “I cannot deal with life.” Then I’d sigh and think, “I thought I was beyond this point of healing. I thought I had more control or ability to bring my stress levels down” but, you know, we were in a pandemic.
It was helpful to give myself some grace in these moments when life was overwhelming because of the pandemic. It has been overwhelming for all of us. Especially if you were already trying to recover from trauma, or had trauma that was still secret. The pandemic added one more huge layer of complexity to our lives.
Where We’re Headed
Let’s see where this all goes! Hopefully over time I can have some people on to interview. Also perhaps we can have some connection to each other and help each other through these times.
To jump into the content, click here.
Trish
says:Thank you for being brave and vulnerable enough to share your story and open enough to invite others on this path to healing. You are a beautiful soul!
Angie Edwards
says:Thank you so much! Your support has helped me get to where I am right now and I’m so grateful.
Alison greenhalgh
says:Hey Angie
Me too x
That’s how they tell the secret these days right ?
Thanks for the podcast, I’m in bed under the covers, secretly wanting to create. Ive stood on your cliff for so long, and I’m so weary. I’ve started therapy and to be honest my 14yrs sobriety has helped me get there. My sexual abuse stopped when I was twelve, the emotional and psychological abuse continued until the abuser died last year, iam 51yrs old. I was so well trained I would have denied abuse was happening up until about four years ago. Instead of feeling, look at all that wasted time, I feel I want to reclaim what’s left. Sounds like a sad tale, but look how brave we are to see ourselves honestly, and want to change what we don’t like. Not many people seem to be able to do that. I hear strength in your voice, that gives me strength, thankyou again.. Ali
Angie Edwards
says:Thank you so much for your message and I’m sorry it took so long to respond. I always feel this conflicting tug on my heart when I hear someone say ‘me too’. First, I’m so sorry you have had to endure what you have, and also selfishly grateful I’m not alone. I can relate to the feeling of wasted time and also love how you’re turning it around to “reclaim what’s left”. YES! I hear your courage and encourage you to use it to create. It doesn’t matter what it is and no one has to see it. Start big or start small, use what you’ve got or gift yourself some new materials. It’s so freeing and you’re worth it. Also – Congratulations on 14 years sober! That’s no small feat!
Pavel
says:Dear Angie,
I’ve just finished listening to your podcast, I’ve been listening to it this week. I want to tell you how deeply I’ve been touched by it, it’s such a gem! I’ve found so much hope and beauty in it. I guess (hope!) some of it will have a lasting impact on my life and how I live…
(BTW I got to know about your podcast through one of your husband’s videos – which are very helpful in dealing with frustrations in my software development job – big kudos to him!)
Even though I was never abused by anyone, when listening to your podcast I’ve realized how SIMILAR your struggles, pains and sufferings were with struggles, pains and sufferings of me when I was dealing with emotional disturbances during my late adolescence years (at that time I could be diagnosed with one of the anxiety disorders). And during those years my reoccurring thought always was: “Am I really doomed to live, or rather survive like that to the end of my life?? Is healing really not possible?” Luckily, thanks God, I’ve gradually found healing through my rediscovery of Christian faith which led me to live more authentic and emotionally mature life. (And talking about God and faith – I really liked how very gently you incorporated your way to the baptism into the podcast: engaging, but no hard pressing.)
If you let me share also something with you, it’d be a book called Feeling and Healing Your Emotions by Dr. Conrad Baars (a Catholic psychotherapist who beautifully integrated psychology with Christian faith and sound philosophy). I go back to this book almost every year and it’s so refreshing every time, I’ve noticed you mentioned a lot of same themes and thoughts as this book does. He’s got also other great books (Born Only Once, Healing the Unaffirmed).
So many thanks to you again. I think you’re filling one blank space in our world of particular importance: the place of missing hope. And you’re doing it just great.
Your European listener